• Chuck Norris can detect both the Higgs boson and the tehnicolor particles.
• There is only one particle accelerator more powerfull than LHC: Chuck Norris. Particles just keep running from him, nearly at the speed of light.
• Chuck Norris can kill Schrodinger’s cat for good.
• Chuck Norris can produce a chain reaction out of any stable isotope just by roundhouse kicking it in the face.
• Chuck Norris can sucks vacuum.
• The Higgs boson will be named “The Norris Particle”.
• Chuck Norris can kick a charm quark and turn it up-side-down.
• There is only one Higgs Boson, but after a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris, it became a whole family.
• Only Chuck Norris can run faster than the proton beam inside LHC.
• Chuck Norris is so sexy that he can attracts neutrons, without the help of gravity.
• Chuck Norris can change the spin of the protons with a single round-house kick.
• Chuck Norris sucks black-holes dry, without the help of Hawking radiation!
• Chuck Norris can swallow a whole beam of acccelerated particles just for cleaning his teeth.
• The LHC was built when Chuck Norris accidentally performed a roundhouse kick at a subway station in Zurich.
• 13.7 billion years ago, Chuck Norris said: “Let there be Big-Bang”
• No subquarks particles are known to exists because Chuck Norris didn’t roundhouse kick a quark. Yet. When he decide to do this, LHC will became useless in studying the new physics created by those particles.
• There is no quadrupoles for controlling the proton beam at LHC. Chuck Norris simply stares at the protons and the Higgs boson pops out.
• Only Chuck Norris can use the LHC ring to propose. Andromeda said yes, but Chuck Norris kicked her in the face and she was projected 2 millions light-years away.
• LHC doesn’t bring the Apocalipse. Only Chuck Norris can do that.
• There are no stable particles. Each and every particle exists as long as Chuck Norris looks at it.

• Chuck Norris uses micro-black-holes created at CERN to cook spaghetti for himself. Out of anything.
• Initially, neutrinos had no mass. But they prefer an encounter with Higgs boson rather than facing Chuck Norris.
• The photon was a stationary particle once. Until Chuck Norris roundhouse kick it. Just ask a photon about his speed nowadays.
• There are no gravitational waves. It’s just Chuck Norris inhaling and exhaling after a roundhouse kick.
• There are no gluons holding the quarks inside hadrons. They are just sitting there, trying to hide from Chuck Norris.
• Ever wonder where does the energy needed for LHC came from? They got it all when Chuck Norris blinked once.
• Chuck Norris can inject neutral particles inside the LHC ring and detects whatever he wants, otherwise he will roundhouse kick you in the face with a force so powerfull that you would produce Higgs bosons instantly.
• Chuck Norris once engraved his name on a quark. With his fingernail. While the quark was part of the proton beam inside the LHC.
• Chuck Norris decides both the position and the velocityof any particle he wants.
• God plays dices. With Chuck Norris. And guess who’s winning?
• Chuck Norris keeps his beers cooled down at LHC.
• Stephen Hawking was a healthy young boy once. But he felt asleep while watching a Chuck Norris moive. Chuck Norris heard about this and paid him a visit.
• Chuck Norris once applied for being an astronaut. He was trained to support G’s in the LHC tunnel.
• Atomic clocks are synchronized after Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
• Chuck Norris drinks beer and urinates proton beams.
• Once Chuck Norris lost his keys in a black hole. He just reach his hand and got them back.
• Chuck Norris can do one-hand push-ups on a neutron star.
• Before this decade is out, Chuck Norris can land on the moon and return safely to Earth. By himself.

Source: http://www.starlog.ro/2008/09/09/chuck-norris-lhc-facts/